A Realisation
by Love the Brightest Star
Summary: Lily Evans hates James Potter, right? She tells everyone so, including herself. But when James is hit by a curse from Snape, Lily isn't so sure of her feelings towards the raven-haired Gryffindor anymore.


**Author's note: This is my first story, written about three years back. It's basically a take on James and Lily getting together. All Jily. Enjoy!**

Realisation

He was hanging upside down, hoisted by his ankle. Laughter and jeers filled the air as he struggled to free himself from the bonds of the hex. James Potter's sneer was ringing in his ears.

"Now who would like to see me take off Snivelly's pants?"

Images began to flit before his eyes, voices were echoing in his head.

"And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus!"... "I don't need help from mudbloods like her!"... "Odd slimeball"...

Severus Snape sat up in his bed. He was sweating, and his whole body was shaking with anger.

"Just a nightmare," he reassured himself. He had not been hexed by Potter all over again. Just a nightmare. It was over a year from that humiliating incident, but the shame and bitterness still rankled. While a small, sensible voice in his head told him to simply forget all about it, the rest of him demanded revenge. Revenge, which he had failed to have, although a complete school year had passed since.

"You'll pay, Potter," he swore to himself. "You will pay for this, soon."

-o0o-

"Hey James, let's go lounge by the lake. It's a pleasant day," Sirius called out to his best friend.

"Yeah, let's. Coming, Remus, Peter?"

The four boys walked out to the sunny school grounds and moved towards the lake. The weather was particularly gentle, with a soft breeze blowing. As a result, several students were spending the afternoon outdoors. James looked around to find Lily Evans sitting with Marlene McKinnon some distance away. Their eyes connected for a moment, and James gave her a rather cold look, before turning away and engaging himself in a conversation with Remus.

Busy in his talking as he was, he did not notice a boy with a curtain of greasy hair staring at him with eyes full of malice. He did not see him train his wand at his unprotected back. He did not see the curse flying at him until it hit him squarely on his back.

Blood started gushing from where the spell hit him, and James succumbed to unconsciousness. Sirius reflexively pulled out his wand and looked around for the attacker, but someone else was quicker than him. In an instant, Severus Snape was hoisted into the air, tightly bound by ropes. Sirius looked around and found, to his astonishment, Lily Evans standing with her wand pointed at Snape, fury written on every line of her face.

In his disbelief at who had come to his best mate's rescue, Sirius momentarily forgot that James needed to be taken to the hospital wing. He simply stood there, gaping at Lily. She turned towards him, and the anger on her face was instantly replaced by anguish and worry.

"Take him to Madame Pomfrey, quick!" she yelled over to him, knocking him back to his senses.

He nodded, and lifting the limp body of his friend, hurried away with Remus and Peter.

Lily now turned to the boy whom she had once called her friend, her anger mounting steadily.

"How could you! It was such a cowardly thing to do, Severus Snape! I... I can't believe I liked you, tried to shield you from them. You are a disgusting, cowardly fool!"

"Lily..." Snape tried to plead with her. "Please listen to me... I can explain!"

"Don't you dare. Don't you even dare to talk to me, _Snivellus_!" she spat the last word out. But any other thing that she would have said was interrupted by the appearance of Professor McGonagall.

"Miss Evans! Mr. Snape! Please explain what is going on." Her eyes flashed dangerously.

Briefly, Lily described the whole incident. By the end, McGonagall was shaking with anger.

"Snape!" she shrieked. "That was an utmost cowardly thing to do. Fifty points from Slytherin and detention for two weeks! I will inform this to Professor Slughorn. Using curses on a fellow student!"

She turned upon Lily.

"I trust that Mr. Potter was taken to the hospital wing?"

Lily nodded.

"Very well, Miss Evans. You may go now. I will take care of this. And although your reaction at this event was justified, I must warn you to take care of your temper. It might land you in trouble in the future."

Lily could simply nod at this, and after sparing Snape a disgusted look, she began to walk towards the castle.

-o0o-

Once inside the castle, Lily shifted to autopilot mode, and it was only when she had walked quite a distance that she realised that she had been heading towards the hospital wing. James' bloodied countenance flashed through her mind and she felt a wave of guilt, grief and a feeling she didn't recognize rush through her. James was lying grievously injured in the infirmary, and the last thing she had done to him was humiliate him in public.

She still remembered the incident as if it were yesterday. It was the last day of the exams, two days since the day James Potter had humiliated Sev... no, Snape, in front of half the school. Lily was sitting with Marlene and Mary in the Great Hall, finishing her piece of toast. Just then, she felt someone walk up behind her. Turning around, she found herself face to face with none other than James Potter. But unlike other days when she saw him, he was no longer his swaggering, confident self. He somehow seemed unsure of himself.

"Um... Ev – Lily? Could I talk to you for a moment?"

Lily didn't reply, but stared at him expectantly.

"Well... I – I just wanted to apologize. I am sorry, Lily. For the incident with Sni – for the incident that happened two days ago. I hadn't thought that it would have such serious consequences. I did not want to deprive you of a friend like that, however much I hate him."

Lily was so shocked at this that she could not reply. James Potter, apologizing? It was unheard of.

"And there's something else," James continued, looking more nervous than ever. "Before the holidays, we have one last Hogsmeade weekend. I was wondering if you would like to – to go out with me?"

She almost said yes, but at the last moment, she recollected that this was Potter, the arrogant toe rag. He was not supposed to be forgiven. How dare he ask her out after this? Her lips curled into a sneer.

"Oh, Potter, how thoughtful of you to come and apologize!" she said, her voice dripping with false sweetness. "Now perhaps I should give you a little present for your wonderful behaviour."

With a flourish of her wand, she changed his black robes into a bright pink frock, and conjured up two little bows in his hair.

"And, Potter," she continued, as the entire great hall burst into laughter, "Perhaps now you know my answer to your Hogsmeade request."

James' face turned bright red with anger and embarrassment, and after giving Lily a what-did-I-ever-do-to-you kind of look, he rushed out of the hall amidst a perfect gale of laughter. And as he went, Lily could have sworn that she saw a tear glistening in his eye.

After that incident, James never asked her out. In fact, he began to ignore her completely. Occasionally, he even gave her a glare or two. This went on for the rest of the days in their fifth year, and throughout the complete sixth year. James simply acted as if no one called Lily Evans had ever existed in his world. It was their last year now, and it seemed that he still had not forgiven her.

Lily liked this attitude at first. _Good riddance,_ she thought. But as days rolled into months, months into a year, she began to miss the old James. She felt left out and ignored, and sometimes felt that a few pranks on her and asking-outs would be welcome. She felt the guilt inside her, and knew that she ought to apologize, but she was too proud to do so. Now James was the Head Boy, and seemed to have grown much older and mature all of a sudden. He and Lily had to share their Head duties, but apart from the interactions that were absolutely necessary James still ignored her.

As Lily walked towards the hospital wing, she felt the guilt become overwhelming, and wondered why. She had not done anything now. Why should she be guilty? And besides, why was she walking to the hospital wing to see him? Why had she hexed Snape for cursing him? She was supposed to hate him, right?

 _Because_ , a voice in her head that sounded suspiciously like Sirius said, _you don't hate him at all. You like him._

No. No, no, no. It could not happen. She, Lily Evans, liking James Potter? It was impossible.

 _Why not?_ the voice asked snidely, _He has become mature and responsible, given up hexing people, has taken his Head Boy duties well. He is brave. And the fact that he is over six feet tall, with amazing muscles, and wonderful looks, does not hurt either, huh?_

 _No, no, no. Shut up._

 _In denial, eh?_

 _I. Do not. Like. Potter._

The bickering between the annoying voice and her went on.

And then she understood. It was the very thing she had been afraid of, something which she had been trying to push off from her mind. It could not be true. This could not be happening. But it explained everything. Why she had missed James so much over the months when he ignored her. Why she felt tense and worried when he was hurt. Why she had wanted to rip Snape apart for causing him harm.

She did not just like the raven haired Gryffindor. She had fallen in love with him.

This realisation did not do anything to calm her down, though. Instead, it made her even more anxious to see him, to check if he was all right. She raced the rest of her journey, and finally reached the closed doors of the hospital wing.

She knocked at the door timidly, wondering what to do next. The door opened, and she found herself looking at the stern face of Madame Pomfrey.

"Come to see Potter? I am sorry, my dear, but no visitors are allowed. I just turned away Black ten minutes ago."

"Please, please Madame Pomfrey. I – I promise that I will be absolutely quiet. I'll not disturb him. Just once, please?"

She looked contemplative for some time, a slight crease across her brow. Lily had no idea what did the trick, but after a minute or two, she said, "Well... I suppose it won't hurt to let you in... And you are a good mannered, quiet child... very well, Miss Evans, you can be with Potter, but not for too long."

It was more than she could ask, and she followed Madame Pomfrey inside.

"How is he, Madame Pomfrey?"

The stern expression on the matron's face was replaced by that of concern.

"Well, I have healed the wound, but he has not regained consciousness yet. The injury was inflicted by dark magic, so I cannot guarantee how long it will take for him to recover. I will leave you here, Miss Evans. Be a good girl."

They had reached a bed around which the curtains were drawn. Lily drew the curtains aside, which parted to reveal the still body of James Potter. She drew up a chair at the bedside, and sat down.

In the absence of the customary smirk that adorned his face, James looked so innocent. Lily's eyes raked over his features, taking in every detail. His ebony hair was messed up, as always. His firm jaw line, sharp nose, every feature spoke of determination and courage. Lily knew very well that James would go to any extent to protect the people he loved. His eyelids covered his eyes, but Lily knew what was beneath them – pools of warm hazel, which had been causing her heartbeat to speed up lately. She herself was surprised that she had been able to ignore him, and hate him (It seemed impossible now!) for six long years.

"James," She sighed. "James, I am so sorry."

The apology was bubbling out from deep within her heart. She knew that James was unconscious, that he would be blissfully unaware of whatever she was going to say, and would go back to hating her when he woke up, but still she decided to go on. At least she would be able to get rid of her guilty conscience. Besides, it is easier to speak your heart out without an audience.

So she cleared her throat, and began softly.

"I am sorry, James. All these years, I've continuously hurt you. I have turned you down so many times, refused to even talk to you politely. I – I didn't mean to hurt you. And-and in the fifth year, I treated you in such a cruel fashion... I never meant to behave so badly, James, I am just so sorry. I felt guilty from the very next day; I knew that I needed to apologize, but... I – I was simply too proud to do so."

The words were so true, spoken from the core of her heart, and yet, the person to whom they were directed remained oblivious to them. Lily's eyes began to sting.

"I've always called you an arrogant toe rag, and so much more, and now look at me. I am such a foul, egoistic creature. I have hurt your feelings and so many others' too, never thinking, never caring...Oh Merlin, what have I done?"

She was now crying in earnest, big, fat tears were rolling down her cheeks. With much difficulty, she pulled herself together, and forced the tears to stop.

"And – and there's more. You probably think I h-hate you. But i-it's not true. I don't hate you, James. I have never done so. I don't know what possessed me to treat you and your friends so badly, but I don't hate you. You and Sirius and Remus, and maybe Peter too, you are the cleverest students in the school. The pranks you have pulled..." she let out a watery chuckle. "I just want to say that... I never realised it till now, I... James, I – I love you."

The three words sounded so sweet, so honest.

"I love you," Lily repeated softly. Yes, this was it. The truth. All that she wanted so say. Every word she had said was true. Lily heaved a sigh of relief. A wave of peace and calm washed through her.

All this time, her hand had unconsciously moved to James' messy hair, and was moving back and forth gently. She smiled to herself. It felt so nice, stroking his hair. Instinctively, she moved her hand downwards, her fingers softly tracing his forehead, his cheeks, his jaws, and her eyes closed slowly. Her fingers moved lower, trailing on his neck and then to his chest. Lily could feel the rippling muscles against his shirt. It felt wonderful. Suddenly, she felt another hand close over her own. Lily's eyes snapped open, and she found herself staring into two beautiful hazel orbs, that were James' eyes. Her hand, which had been resting on his chest, was tightly clasped in his.

She could feel her face burn.

"James!" she all but squealed. "You – you're awake!"

He nodded, his eyes never leaving her face.

"Lily," he said slowly, "All that you said, was it true?"

Good God, had he heard it all?

"What are you t-talking about?"

Hurt flickered through his eyes, before being replaced by anger.

"Please don't pretend, Lily. I heard you."

Oh, no. Now she was cornered.

"How much did you hear?"

"I heard you right from the beginning of your apology. All of it."

Lily opened her mouth to protest, but James cut her off. His voice was harsh and angry, and yet urgent.

"Please, Lily, listen to me. If I'd have opened my eyes as soon as I regained consciousness, would you have gone on and confessed everything? Both you and I know very well that you wouldn't. These words, these very words are the ones which I've longed to hear from you all this time." James eyes softened at this point, and his face assumed a vacant, faraway look. "And when you stroked my hair, brushed your soft fingers on my face, it was pure heaven for me, Lils. I shut my eyes, hoping that this sensation would last forever, fearing that when I open my eyes all of it would be over. And so it is now." He turned his face away from her. "But just tell one thing. Whatever you said today, did you mean it? Please Lily, tell me. I beg of you, tell me that it wasn't another cruel joke."

His eyes were smouldering; Lily's heart began to beat at the double. What should she do? The truth, or more lies? She hesitated, but as she stared into his beseeching eyes, she made up her mind. She let out a breath she hadn't noticed she was holding.

"Everything that I said in your presence today, James Potter, I said it with complete sanity, and I meant every word that I spoke. I am sorry for my actions, and I – I do love you."

There was a moment of shocked silence. He stared at her. She stared at him. Lily anxiously waited for his reaction. What now?

Then James let out a whoop of joy and triumph, which caused Madame Pomfrey to rush out of her quarters.

"What – who... who's injured? What happened?" the school **matron** cried, only to find James, sitting on his bed, grinning from ear to ear, and Lily, very pink in the face and giggling, beside him.

"Oh, so you are awake, Potter. One would expect a little less noise from an injured student," said Madame Pomfrey, looking amused, albeit a little annoyed.

"Oh, Madame Pomfrey, you can see that I'm perfectly fit and fine. I think I can be allowed to leave." James replied, the silly grin still on his face.

"Yes, yes, I can see that. Very well Potter, off you go."

James jumped off from the bed at once, grabbed Lily's hand, and walked out from the hospital wing. Once they were out, Lily turned to face James.

"So," she said uncertainly. "You don't hate me anymore, do you?"

James' eyes widened.

"Hate you? My dear Evans, I can never hate you! I never did. Well, after you played that trick, I thought that you just couldn't stand me, so I decided to leave you alone for a bit. And that didn't work well with you, did it?" He waggled his eyebrows, smirking.

"Oh, shut up, Potter." Lily shoved him playfully. "You'd better make sure I don't regret my decision."

"Never, Lils. Come on now, I can't wait to tell Sirius that I finally got you to like me. He owes me ten Galleons."

Holding hands, they walked out into the bright sunshine, destined, although they did not know it then, to be always together.

 **So, I hope you liked it. Review, please? It'll motivate me to write more.**


End file.
